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Remember how in HBO’s Silicon Valley, they would refer to Richard’s laptop as his girlfriend, ‘because it’s the only warm thing that’s touched his crotch in a little while?’ In case your Valentine’s Day date is your laptop, too, we compiled some romantic classics and paired them with the best non-alcoholic drinks for you to laugh, cry, and/or sigh into. And when the film is over and the screen goes dark, you’ll realize you’re actually spending the V-day with the most wonderful person in the world—yourself.
Groundhog Day (1993) x Non-Alcoholic Party for 30 Bundle
What if we just need to get in a time loop to finish all work projects and maybe (maybe) finally emerge from our burrows and start looking for love? The bundle? Well, if you get stuck in time, you’ll thank us for the ability to have something new to try for eternity. Besides, you might as well want to keep this post on how to become an at-home cocktail wizard from scratch handy, in case you’re out of ideas after a few hundred time loops.
Jennifer’s Body (2009) x The Smoky Mary Brunch Bundle
Jennifer, played by Megan Fox, is a luscious high school queen whose night out with an occult-obsessed rock band leaves her beaten, bruised, and lusting for blood. While her nerdy BFF Amanda Seyfried is working on finding a way to stop the demonic diva before she kills again, we know a workaround. The Smoky Mary Brunch bundle from hella is a zero-proof spin on a classic Bloody Mary with a bit of smoke, mezcal-like complexity, and the dark fruit flavors giving the taste buds even more nuance to explore and savor. Also suitable for those inspired by Megan x MGK’s notorious blood-sipping wedding rituals.
Titanic (1997) x Jøyus Non-Alcoholic Sparkling Rosé
So could they both fit on the board? We don’t know. What we know is that if Leo had the Joyous Sparkling Rosé on him back then, he wouldn’t even have to find out. A peachy pink hue accompanied by notes of plush blackberries and strawberries from the Pacific Northwest with a hint of California citrus blossom, this bubbly, refreshing rosé would definitely take its place in his heart. Sorry, Rose.
Jumbo (2020) x Monday Mezcal
Jumbo is a story of a shy young woman Jeanne who works in an amusement park and one day falls in love with Jumbo, the park's new flagship attraction. The heart wants what it wants, and while we can only speculate on what those oily, dark secretions of Jumbo's represent, it evokes a machinery, motor oil smell that makes us reach for a mezcal-based cocktail. The Monday zero-alcohol mezcal is an undeniably complex reposado, finishing clean with lingering warmth. The nose opens subtly with florals, fruit, and agave nectar met by campfire smoke and pepper. Luckily, it’s zero-proof, as you will need to feel stable to watch such an emotional roller coaster.
The Blue Lagoon (1980) x Kin Actual Sunshine
The Blue Lagoon is a silly coming-of-age romantic survival film set on an idyllic tropical island in the South Pacific. Despite the controversy surrounding this movie, it might be viewed as a much needed digital respite and reminder that beyond big city life, there’s a world of turquoise waters, palm trees, and white sand beaches (and occasional ritual sacrifice, if you’re less lucky).
The views of sunny islands made us crave Kin Actual Sunshine—the latest addition to the Bella Hadid-owned Kin family. Gently caffeinated and full of immune-boosting ingredients, it will give you that extra kick of energy to claim your place in the sun. And there’s also collagen that’s claimed to brighten complexion—perhaps, the only self-care aid available on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean.
Lost in Translation (2003) x Enroot Raspberry Mint White Peony Sparkling Tea
Remember Bill Murray’s character Harris’s frustration when they were shooting the ridiculous commercial for Suntory whiskey? Everything about the shoot is staged. Harris’s tux is cinched tight with large metal clips fastened along his spine, while the glass is chosen from a few options according to which looks best in the light. The ‘whiskey,’ as Harris points out, is iced tea.
Well, if they poured him the Enroot cold brew tea, he might’ve felt different. Assertive in its luxury, the soft sparkle of this slowly cold brewed white peony tea is perfectly balanced with bright raspberries and aromatic mint leaves. In fact, the raspberry-mint-white-peony mix is the ultimate drink to embody Bob’s love interest in the movie—the young college philosophy graduate played by Scarlett Johansson.
